I’m baaaaack!

So, a few weeks ago I decided to take some maternity leave from my blog. The reasons were manifold, but mostly it was because the little fella was awake ALL THE TIME and I didn’t have a second to brush my teeth, let alone talk to you lot.

So, the last few weeks have been very very cool. The little fella and I have spent a LOT of time hanging out in our own filth, getting to know each other.  As well as this, we have become far braver than we were when he was just hatched. We have ventured all the way across the city to stay with my Mum (it took two car loads to bring all the ‘essentials’ I thought we needed) and even made a trip to Ikea together last week – they have AMAZING changing facilities so they do.

The little fella started smiling two weeks ago and has graduated to a burbling laugh that actually made me cry the other day when he burst out laughing as the fella walked in the door. I have turned into a total sap. I spent twenty minutes on the phone to my sister talking about the little fella’s poo – or lack of, he hadn’t gone in three days and the poo-plosion that heralded the reinstatement of his bowels was worthy of a post in itself (don’t worry, I won’t do that to you). So, you see, I am that ma. The ma who coos gobble-dee-gook at her kid in the pram. The ma who shouts about her baby’s crap while in the frozen food aisle. And, worst of ALL. The ma who refuses to give up the GIANT knickers of pregnancy because they are too damn comfy.

I brought the little fella to get his jabs yesterday which was HORRIFIC. We had a taster a few weeks back at the torture chamber of a BCG clinic but being stabbed by two giant needles was too much (for me) to bear. The little fella coped remarkably well. Straight after I hotfooted it to the chemist to buy some Calpol in case he got a temperature from the vaccine and once home, to calm my nerves I took a sly swig from the bottle. RESULT. It tastes exactly as me-as-a-child remembers. AMAZING. Totally delicious and quite exciting really. Now I’m not a drug addict or anything, but it was just sitting there in front of me and curiosity got the better of me, ok?

Things I have learned on my parenting journey:

1. Baths are like valium for babies. My little fella zens out completely when he’s floating around, so despite the whole ‘only bathe your baby a few times a week or he’ll get a skin disorder AND DIE’ I hoosh him into his bath every night before bed.

2. You have to ignore unsolicited advice from people. I met a cousin at the shops last week who informed me that my baby had thrush and I’d want to get it seen to. I, filled with the guilt of not knowing that my baby was ill and probably in pain went into a right tizz, hysterically ringing around doctors until eventually we got to see one who reassured me that there was not a jot of the stuff to be found in the little fella. After parting with €55 I decided it was time to start trusting myself as a parent.

3. When your baby is going MAAAAD and does that I’ve-stopped-breathing-I’m-crying-so-much thing that my little fella has down to a fine art, dip their soother into a pot of glycerine and aniseed and stick it in their gob. This stuff is MAGICAL. It is totally natural and is sugar free and TOTALLY chills them out. I think it’s the new sensation of something in their mouth that makes them forget about not breathing, but as long as it stops the madness I’m happy. You can get it in most chemists for about three quid.

4. Men designed car seats and these so called travel systems. They weigh a BLOODY TON! My back is in ribbons from all the hooshing and pushing and folding and tugging – only a man would come up with this and call it a travel solution.

5. You do get your life back. This is really important for anyone who is just after having their baby and is reading this covered in poo and vom and whose fanny really hurts. My little fella is eight weeks old and I feel like myself again. My life is different of course, but I don’t have that all consuming brick of fear/guilt/avalanche of tears weighing on my heart all the time. What I’m trying to say is, in a few weeks it will be different, and better – and in the meantime, stay in your pajamas, eat chocolate biscuits (I tell myself dark chocolate digestives are a health food), watch Oprah and wallow until you feel the fog lift.

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About Ciara McDonnell

Ouch My Fanny Hurts was born in the late stages of my first pregnancy. I was sick and tired of everyone going on and ON about how brilliant it is to be pregnant, when actually, lots of it was quite crap really. And, my fanny hurt a lot. So, I decided to tell the truth about my experience while I was pregnant, and the journey I have been on since, as our little fella grew a little bigger, and we brought our second son into the world in what turned out to be fairly scary circumstances. It’s my story, and I am delighted to share it.
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9 Responses to I’m baaaaack!

  1. Aoife Carrigy says:

    Ciara. Dark chocolate digestives ARE a health food. No wonder I’ve been feeling poorly, haven’t had any in yonks. Must get me some of that good stuff.
    Oh and another thing. You’re a font of good sense. It doesn’t even matter if it has no application to my unpregnant single life – it’s just reasssuring to hear you dole it out.
    Keep it up mammy xxxx

  2. karina says:

    Love it! New mammy to a 6 day old…glad to hear I will get to the stage when Ill stop checking her breathing and counting her daily poos! And as for the big knickers, they are going nowhere!

    • Karina! The fact that you have had a second to post ANYTHING while being a Mammy to six day old means you are a HUUUUUGE success story. Huge! xxx

      • karina says:

        LOL not sure about that, just taking advantage of newborns long sleeping patterns (except at night!) and daddy being at home. Next week will be a different story…….

  3. I’m not pregnant, nor have I ever been but I own a fine line in huge big knickers. They’re essential! Nothing wrong with big knickers, they win out over thongs every single time. Men also invented thongs, not because they show off a woman’s ass but because they’re so damn uncomfortable that women everywhere will be unable to stop themselves ripping them off! Thongs equal naked ladeez, you see!

    Great post, delighted you’re back and feeling great and that the little fella is laughing away!

  4. speccy says:

    Ooh, I wish I’d been able to read this 10 years ago. Girl1 was 2 weeks old, I was exhausted, bewildered and grubby as all get out. I thought I’d never be able to leave the house again without a trailer of stuff, and certainly not before the shops closed.
    Brilliant Ciara. I look forward to more, and there’s no babies round here

  5. Peter fennin says:

    Hi Ciara
    Just had to write a note complementing you on a well wrote witty post. Keep up the good work ?Hope you don’t feel I’m being cheeky asking but any plans fornumber 2

  6. Jo says:

    Hi Ciara – hope you & baby are keeping well?
    Have you retired from posting? My own baby is due soon & I love reading your posts…

  7. Hi Jo, have just posted for the first time in months! How are you doing? How long to go? It is VERY EXCITING!!!!!

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