Park Life

“Park. PAAAAAAARRRRRRRK”

This is the siren call I am treated to every morning by Matthew, just after he has thrown an entire bowl of soggy Cheerios on my kitchen floor.
I sigh, pack the boys into the car, and head off to the local park. AGAIN.
We feed the ducks. (NO MAMMY. MORE BREAD!!!)
We meander through the foresty bit. (TREEEEEEEESSSSS! OUT! OUT OF BUGGY!!!)
We wave at the other mothers who wearily follow the same route every morning, as we approach the playground.
I steel myself.
This is where things get a bit hairy.
Once I release my kid from the confines of his buggy, I know that two things are going to happen:
He will immediately try to rob some other kids football (sorry. SORRY. HE’s only two… He’s not in crèche, he doesn’t know about sharing yet.)
He will then begin to scale the highest slide or climbing wall in the vicinity.
I will run around, wheeling the baby, pleading and begging with him not to fall on his head… Again.
At this point I begin to stealthily root for the bag of milky bar buttons I have in my pocket. Trying to hide my bounty from the other mothers, who are proffering carrot sticks and hummus, I will mutter out of the side of my gob “hey. Do you want some chocolate? If you get in the buggy Mammy will give you some chocolate.” Like a drug dealer.
I am like. A. Drug. Dealer.
But, needs must, and all that.

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About Ciara McDonnell

Ouch My Fanny Hurts was born in the late stages of my first pregnancy. I was sick and tired of everyone going on and ON about how brilliant it is to be pregnant, when actually, lots of it was quite crap really. And, my fanny hurt a lot. So, I decided to tell the truth about my experience while I was pregnant, and the journey I have been on since, as our little fella grew a little bigger, and we brought our second son into the world in what turned out to be fairly scary circumstances. It’s my story, and I am delighted to share it.
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7 Responses to Park Life

  1. aj vosse says:

    Aaaah! The joys of life! You tell it well 😉

  2. Joanna says:

    Sorry for laughing! I totally feel your pain though, I think the laughing is two-fold: This is funny and I’m glad I’m not the only drug dealer!

  3. janembarry says:

    Thanks for giving me a perk for not driving : )

  4. ahahaha this is gas! a much funnier version of my life, only Anna calls it “see-saw”

  5. Caítríona says:

    We do what we have to do to get through the day. From a fellow drug pusher. x

  6. gwen says:

    love it! Always makes me positively sure that those kids get nuggets and chips at home and the public display of hummus is just for show

  7. Ciara, to make you feel better my creche-attending darling stands at the top of the slide and screams in the face of anyone who dares try to get on it while he’s on “his” slide. He tries to push them off too. Creche just makes them fight dirtier, not share. “It’s a jungle out there mama” 😉

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