The Takedown

Some days around here, I feel as though I am at the mercy of terrorists. Tiny, very very cute terrorists, but terrorists all the same.

Ever since the boys realised that they could use their combined power for evil, my house has been turned upside down.

Yesterday, they plundered the fridge while my back was turned. The only indication that anything was awry was the deathly silence that I have learned means serious trouble (last week it meant that my last fancy makeup palette was being smeared all over my last fancy bed linen). I crept into the sitting room to find my walls, windows and rug ‘painted’ with vanilla yoghurt. Delicious. And really fucking hard to clean off.

The older one has learned to scale our kitchen counters, meaning that nothing is safe, and loves nothing more than sharing his spoils with his younger brother. So far, that means: olive oil, sugar, salt and pepper (my boys are nothing if not seasoned) all mashed into the floor.

Bedtime has become a takedown of epic proportions. My previous happy-to-go-to-sleep two year old has decided that the land of nod is not for him, and is staging scream-offs that render him almost voice-less by the time he eventually drops off. What was previously a quiet, happy time with his Dad has turned into a tag team of parental shout downs – whoever manages to get him to lie down is the winner.

Meanwhile, last night, the one year old decided to wake up at 9pm, and try to walk. On my bed. So, for the ensuing two and a half hours I lay beside him as he threw himself up, and down, and on his head, until eventually he fell asleep, arse in the air, snoring like a wilderbeast.

Right now I have separated the pack. The smaller one is at my feet, biting my ankles like a baby lion, while the bigger one has been bribed with my iPad and an app that I am going to regret downloading in… oh, 2.3 seconds…

And, breathe.



About Ciara McDonnell

Ouch My Fanny Hurts was born in the late stages of my first pregnancy. I was sick and tired of everyone going on and ON about how brilliant it is to be pregnant, when actually, lots of it was quite crap really. And, my fanny hurt a lot. So, I decided to tell the truth about my experience while I was pregnant, and the journey I have been on since, as our little fella grew a little bigger, and we brought our second son into the world in what turned out to be fairly scary circumstances. It’s my story, and I am delighted to share it.
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10 Responses to The Takedown

  1. Good Jesus! It’s the silence, they’re like ninjas… And it usually takes a couple of minutes for you to realise its all gone quiet. 🙂

    I remember finding our little man when he was about one awake and hanging on to the side of headboard with most of his body teetering off the side of the bed. Shudder.

    • SHUUUUDDDER. On Sunday, the two year old escaped out the front door, his dad hightailed it after him and didn’t realise how speedy the one year old had become. Two seconds later, crash bang wallop as the one year old nosedived out the front door – he looks like he has done ten rounds in a boxing match. IT IS TERRIFYING!!! They are trouble magnets

  2. Caítríona says:

    It does get better, it does get better, it does get better. Repeat it alot.
    I highly recommend IKEA for childproof locks for presses and fridges. As an added bonus they are (in this house) also teenageproof so if installed you’re playing a long game there. Failing all that it’s a cage you need. With a large padlock. And if you say you’ve not contemplated it I suspect that might be a little fib…

    • I have totally thought of that cage, believe me. I am gonna go to Ikea. Our cupboards are wastelands of locks ripped off by the two year old, but defo need to be replaced now that the other one is mobile…

  3. gwen says:

    My father calls our boys The Terrorists!!! He’s not wrong.

  4. Maud says:

    The ganging up, it’s not fair at all. (Especially at such a tender age as your younger. He’s a prodigy, obviously.) Because they have all these tactics that we’re not allowed use. We have to pit our more considerable brain power against theirs – and I dunno about you, but in my house that often seems just not up to the task, what with the sleep deprivation and all.

    You’re in the trenches, deep deep in. They will shallow out eventually, but I’m glad you’re breathing (and blogging) when you can. Don’t forget to.

  5. Jacqueline says:

    I am currently 5days over due with our first baby and getting lots of laughs from your blog ..thank you 🙂 feel like I can empathise already !

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