White Tops and Other Tales

Right. If you are a new parent, or a parent who is in the trenches of sleepless nights and evil tantrum HELL, I have to tell you: IT’S GOING TO BE OK.

I’m telling you this, because after three and a half years of being a Mum and having NO SLEEP and having kids in my bed, and being screamed at all day, every day… there seems to be a lull.

Not to make you jealous, but yesterday, at 2pm, I watched a recording of Celebrity Masterchef, while my kids amused themselves, playing together. Without Screaming.

This has never happened. There has never been a day where I am not like a wet dishcloth by the end of it. There has never been an outfit that is not covered in children’s bodily fluids. There has NEVER been a day when I have gone for my second shower of the day, because I don’t want to get into bed smelling faintly like poo.

Yesterday, was different. They played, I cooked. They watched some telly, I worked. They played chasing, I cleaned the kitchen. Without. Interruption. Then, last night, when they were asleep *BY SEVEN*, I watched three episodes of tv with my fella. I usually fall asleep twenty minutes into the first one.

Last night, it was 2.30am before the first pitter patter of tiny feet made it into our bedroom. This usually happens at 10pm.

Photo on 2014-07-04 at 16.27

Clean Top, Babies

The biggest thing, THE GREATEST THING, is that today I dared to wear a white top. If you parent young kids, you know how perilous this can be. It is 4.24pm and my top remains white. I could even go to the shops and not be morto by the stains on it. Because there ARE NONE.

Maybe a change is coming. Maybe, JUST MAYBE this is what all those well-meaning strangers meant, when they used to come up to me in the supermarket, as I was carting two babies around – all three of us bawling – and patted me on the shoulder, saying “it will get easier. You won’t know yourself in a few years.”

Back then, I wanted to punch them in their smug fuckery faces. But today, I think – no, I HOPE – that they were actually right.

So, it’s half four. If you are sitting on the couch, reading this on your phone while balancing a wailing child and arguing with another one(es) about whether they can have another chocolate biscuit, I’m saying: IT’S GOING TO BE OK.

I may be a smug fucker, but I think it might be true.


About Ciara McDonnell

Ouch My Fanny Hurts was born in the late stages of my first pregnancy. I was sick and tired of everyone going on and ON about how brilliant it is to be pregnant, when actually, lots of it was quite crap really. And, my fanny hurt a lot. So, I decided to tell the truth about my experience while I was pregnant, and the journey I have been on since, as our little fella grew a little bigger, and we brought our second son into the world in what turned out to be fairly scary circumstances. Itโ€™s my story, and I am delighted to share it.
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10 Responses to White Tops and Other Tales

  1. Yay. Isn’t it fab? I was there man, I was so there. Mine were even getting up at the weekends and getting their own breakfasts and we were staying in bed for an extra hour……Now Im right back in the puke stained, waking numerous times a night, mustard poo engrained under a finger nail circle. Enjoy it.

  2. Yeaaahhhhh… Everything the Clothesline said. Although, six kids later, it’s *easier* as I have older ones, but I’m a long, long way from wearing a white top ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. I’m currently lying on the sofa, 3 month old balanced on chest because he screams if he’s not on me today. He woke up only once between 9 and 6 last night but dear jesus I am paying the price now… Going on the last few days I fear every burp is a vomitcano. I live in infinite jealousy of your white top.

    • My darling, I have been there and it is HIDEOUS. During those days I used to count the minutes until the fella came home, and unleash HELL upon him the minute he walked in. Vile, and mean, but it was cathartic. I don’t recommend it like, just saying I feel your pain. I FEEL IT. Jaysus. Know that there are others in the trenches, or in my case, with one foot in them with you xxxxxxx

  4. Ciara! Celebratory bubbly all round I think! I’ve blow-dried my hair twice this week. Twice. That’s the same number of times I’ve blow-dried in the last six months. We’re getting there babes ๐Ÿ˜‰ x

  5. Ruth Rooke says:

    First time readying your blog, I was chuckling away at this article, it’s so true that it does get easier but it’s hard to have that perspective at times. I had the complete opposite type of day with my four. If there was a Bickering Olympics I tell you I’d have 4 gold medal winners, lol! Look forward to reading more ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. Pingback: Loves of the Week! | Four Walls, Rainy Days

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