High Ho, High Ho

We have reached an impasse.

There is only so much more time I can spend with my children alone before I lose my mind.

Every few months I start to feel antsy, and crave a life beyond the boys, where I reclaim my career and enjoy a few quiet days working on something I love (other than them). Until now, that feeling has been stuffed back down from whence it came, smoothed over by the part-time work I do from home, and the creative joy I get from it.

This time, the beast has awoken with a ferocious appetite, that no amount of writing while batting away tiny hands can sate. I want to go back to work. Not just that. I want to go back to the career I loved so much.

The kids are getting bigger, and Matthew is starting playschool this week, so that’s probably where all this is coming from, but it is INTENSE.  I want to reclaim myself. I want to feel the exhilaration that only a day working in the fast-paced environment of a publishing house can give me. I want to feel like I am going to wee myself with fear as I wait for something to come back from the printers, and then I want to literally flop with relief when it is as fabulous as I remembered.

It’s time to regroup, it’s time to reform, and it’s time to set some intentions for the future. My boys don’t need me half as much as they used to, and I have realised that I am not able to commit the rest of my life to being with them twenty four hours a day. I don’t want the dusty magazines in my wardrobe to be the sum total of my career; I want more. And so I’m putting it out there, with great intention, and ambition to beat the band. I am coming back.

I just hope the world is ready to receive me.

About Ciara McDonnell

Ouch My Fanny Hurts was born in the late stages of my first pregnancy. I was sick and tired of everyone going on and ON about how brilliant it is to be pregnant, when actually, lots of it was quite crap really. And, my fanny hurt a lot. So, I decided to tell the truth about my experience while I was pregnant, and the journey I have been on since, as our little fella grew a little bigger, and we brought our second son into the world in what turned out to be fairly scary circumstances. It’s my story, and I am delighted to share it.
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6 Responses to High Ho, High Ho

  1. Caitriona says:

    Totally get how you feel. Totally understand. Coffee long overdue. I’ll see you soon. xxx

  2. Lisa says:

    The world needs to get ready! You’re some woman for managing it for so long – I’ve been off for what seems like the longest 10 months of my life (yay for spending half a pregnancy on sick leave!) – and despite not having the job of my dreams (or even the career path of my dreams) – talking to grownups in person, and having conversations that do not revolve around teething or poo or “Is he good for you?” sound like an amazing novelty thing. Best of luck with your comeback, I’m sure it will be fabulous!

  3. Sylva Fae says:

    This baby / toddler period of our lives is the most wonderful and yet the hardest time we’ll ever endure. We get our own identities ripped from us as we embark on motherhood and morph into supermum with the power to multitask on 3 hours sleep. We find skills we never knew we had and we tirelessly entertain and educate while desperately trying to keep on top of the housework.

    We are never going to recapture what we had pre children but believe me when you go back to work, you go back bigger, better, stronger, with a new appreciation of grown up conversation and people doing what you ask without question. You appreciate that if you put things down on your desk, they’re still there, not redistributed round the room with crayon squiggles decorating them. You appreciate being able to take a private loo break – sometimes I just go for the novelty of a wee without a child trying to climb on my knee! And most importantly, all those wonderful creative skills you developed, are fabulously transferable into the adult world.

    Just have to remember not to wander down the corridors singing the Peppa Pig theme tune! Good luck – you’ll be amazing and I look forward to reading about your success on here.

  4. You got this Ciara! I see great things in your future! Both mammy and career alike x

  5. I wish more working mams would own up to feeling like this – exactly how I felt. I’m new to your blog and loving it!

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